Matlock a.k.a. der Übermensch
I proclaim that Matlock could whoop anybody.

Matlock vs. Jack Bauer
Matlock pins the murder of the beautiful starlet on Bauer, dooming him to life in prison, where every 24 hours he has to stop a mad plot by his bunk mate Bernice to forcibly take Jack's anal cherry.

Matlock vs Wolverine
Matlock eats wolverine's skin, leaving his T-800-esque carcass for fanboys to hump relentlessly

Matlock vs. Adama
Adama comes on strong with hairy nipple attack but Matlock counters by making adama admit that his once great show really really really sucks now.

Matlock vs Chuck Norris
Sorry, unlike some aging tv stars, matlock does his own stunts.

Matlock vs john william
yeah right, as if that would ever happen (hint: it would be a tie)

You don't know what words mean, do you?

For those of you keeping score I finally went to the doctor on monday so I've been on anti-biotics for three days now and I'm just starting to feel a little better than worthless. Though, running through the set twice yesterday did pretty much destroy me for the rest of the day.

The good news: I've started tivo-ing Matlock and it still utterly dominates my attention span. (It's still not on DVD. That's a double what-the-fuck) I still have the uncanny ability to spot the murderer on pure intuition. (Yes, Jospeh, it was the nerdy guy with the glasses. I'm never wrong) One thing does annoy me. When Matlock starts doing his thing in the courtroom where he questions a witness on some other, seemingly unrelated subject, the prosecuter always objects, citing some bullshit about proper courtroom procedure. Haven't they tried enough cases against Matlock to know that he's about to unveil the real killer? Dumbass. LET THE MAN DO HIS THING.

DON'T FUCK WITH MATLOCK.

Matlock is my new dad.

For those keeping score, ugly Tyler totally destroys handsome Tyler.

the worst kind of discrimination; the kind against me


I almost got a new puppy today. I had built up good karma by picking up TWO worms from the concrete and placing them back in the grass. Then I saw a puppy playing in an office park flower bed right next to a busy street. She was really sweet and amazingly my horrible dog let her approach. I checked her for a tag but all she had was a collar with a long rope attached. I grabbed her rope and started walking her down the street looking for anybody.


After I had thought about making signs for a "found puppy" I started getting evil thoughts that maybe she was abandoned and was fated to be mine. And then some stupid broad comes running up from a side street, a mess and bewildered. I called out to her, and she ran straight to me. She said something about the yard rope breaking and went on her way. She at least could have given me thank-you-for-saving-my-puppy-from-getting-run-over sex.


People are so unappreciative.