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the nukes can't come fast enough

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2006/08/27/MNGL2KQ8H41.DTL


America has pretty much gone to hell at this point. Up is down. Down is right. And right is purple polkadots. There's no saving us. Idiocy is consuming us faster than I ever thought possible. We've long been a sickeningly ignorant people, but now we've transmogrified into evolved meatbags who worship at the altar of enlightened douchebaggery.


Can't we just vote to emancipate the entire bay area? Let them have their little common sense-free utopia where a kid's genitalia has no bearing on determining his sex. I don't doubt that there happens to be the occasional person who suffers from genuine gender identity issues, but to encourage it--I just don't know, it's like our heads are so far up our own asses I can only hope that we suffocate in the near future.

kitty does dallas

gettin' ready to go to the vet

kitty porn

check out this handsome bloke I found hiding under my deck

white people

America is a great place, made up of all kind of peoples. No one is better than anyone else, but we're all different. And in theses differences, there is great potential for hilarity!!!!!

Like, when a brother drinks a glass of water, he, you know, raises it to his lips, does it really cool and, like, raps and stuff. When a white guy drinks a glass of water he's all like, "oh, doo doo doo, I'm such a nerd. A nerd drinking water."

When a black man is watching something funny on TV, he's like "Hahahahahahaha. DAMN! That shit is funny, dawg!" and he's all smooth while he's doing it because black people just have a natural sense of rhythm, unlike whites who can't dance because they're genetically inferior in that way. When white people watch something funny they're like, "Oh, tee hee. That is very humourous. I'm a huge nerd!"

When a black dude farts he's like, "Damn, nigga. I farted!" But he's really cool when he does it. When a white dude farts he's like, "Uh oh, how many D20s do I roll to determine damage and duration?"

When a black man eats a sandwich he's like, "Damn. I'm really cool and I'm eatin' a sandwich!" A white guy is all like, "Uh oh, is there cheese on this? I'm lactose intolerant! Is this kosher? Ugh! I need multi-grain bread cuz I'm such a nerd!"

My comedy album will be in stores next month.

like, wow, dude


Pot heads just might be the most annoying people on the face of the planet. At least the most boring. Recently, I was at a friend's house, a pot head, when another friend of his--and I'm convinced the extent of their friendship is to match each other with marijuana--came over. My friend and I were playing Street Fighter when the other guy started relaying an anecdote about a run in with the cops, one in which I believed he had made mention of running from the cops.

Apparently he and a companion were walking down a street in Prospect--the most dangerous of hoods, truly--when a policeman, a black policeman(don't ask me why it's pertinent)asked him if they lived "around here."

He then proceeded to elaborate no further.

"So you started running because he asked if you lived around there?"

"No. We didn't run."

"I thought you said you ran"

"No."

"So, the story is, you were walking down a street, and a black cop asked you a question and then left you alone?"

"Yeah."

"Wow. That's a great story..."

Chaotic Good Elf Barbarian

So, to really explore just how bored I am at the moment, I googled "which D&D character are you?". My first test said I was a lawful good half-orc fighter paladin. I disagree with lawful good, cuz I hates the government, man. Always fucking my shit up. Half orc doesn't work because they're ugly and even the blind can see my handsomeness from miles away. Lastly, paladins are total gay alter bois all grown up in a suit of armor. Since the first result was soooooooooooooooooooo homosexual, I took the next quiz. This one informed me of my station as a chaotic good elf barbarian.

This one is pretty good. Chaotic good denotes a good person that doesn't stand for pointless bureaucratic bull doo doo. Elves are attractive and cerebrally inclined.. Though, I'm not quite sure I'm such a barbarian. I mean. I do hit women over the head as a part of foreplay, and I do enjoy killing people who look at me funny. And I am currently questing to kill James Earl Jones for killing my ma and pa cuz they figured out steel. But really, I'm more of a Bard or a Ranger.

I took a third test and it confirmed my position as a bard, with a way rad drawing: